fingers crossed, breath held

i'm taking just a minute to write. i am a little paralyzed with superstition. i cannot get involved in a website, i cannot go get my stupid Passport to work on, i cannot try to organize much, i can't even take off my stethoscope, because if i do, i am just sure something bad will happen to one of my patients or an admission will roll through the doors (that i'll probably be responsible for). I am sitting in the back area because we have 5 nurses on tonight (miracle!) and kelli is also taking up one of the front computers. its more social in the front area (as a general rule... tonight people don't seem super chatty), but i don't mind the lack of noise back here. actually there is a lot of white noise- the computer is humming. two and a half shifts, two and a half shifts. til the beach. and books, and bikes, and food, and sun, and swimming, and walking, and fambly, and movies, and kenzie. i'm trying to plan how i'm going to spend my week and what books i'm going to bring, and how i'm going to adjust back to night sleeping.

monday morning hopefully i'll nap a bit in the car on the way down there. then spend a little time at the beach to send my skin a warning that it needs to prepare to NOT burn. then come back, maybe watch tv til dinner, because i'm sure that i won't have enough energy/eye focus to read. after dinner a bike ride would be good, then sleeping early if possible (brought to you by: sonata). tuesday may be a little difficult to get out of bed on time, but i'ma use walking to the ole lost dog with jonathan for coffee as motivation. and i'll promise myself a late morning or early afternoon nap. i'll try to stay walking/jogging/biking in the morning to stay more awake. mornings are SO difficult now that i work nights. i'm going to try to will myself to be on a normal schedule by wednesday. i have so many books i want to bring and read!! i NEED to finish omnivore's dilemma-- i've been reading it since christmas i think. i'm also bringing our "assigned summer reading" that mom got us, the book i randomly got a couple weeks ago, and the ken follett book dad will probably never get off my case about haha. i've also got a stack from lauren i might delve into. oh! and my epidemic book would be a good read i'd imagine :)

i have had a slew of female patients. they get confusing. especially because they have a tendency to EITHER be ALL confused or ALL young and coherent. sigh. oh well. tonight i have 4 blood sugars, 4 on antibiotics, and 3 catheters i think. and two nurse draws.

i still just wanna quit so so bad(ly). it's so much work to apply for a job, and orient and get acclimated, which is tiring just to think about. but i don't know how long i can make it here for real. not to mention the fact that i have enough money to last me for like 6 months probably, and the thought of taking the summer off is WAY too appealing. that or moving to another country. i've been watching jamie oliver's food revolution and i just love it, and so right now i want to move to the UK. sigh. more dreams.