I deserved my easy night, thank you very much!!

So I just finished my 3 shift stint. The first night was absolutely miserable. I got to work and had a new post op patient, new admit, and a second admit to follow a few hours later. My post op patient was nuts, and his family didn't watch him. He had O2, a PCA pump, NG tube, colostomy, catheter, 12 inch fresh incision with staples, SCDs, and he's going through alcohol withdrawal. He pulled out his NG tube twice, his colostomy bag came undone and completely soiled the surgical dressing, at one point i found him STANDING next to his bed naked. His family just sat there. and asked me to "order them a meal tray." UGH. He would have been overwhelming enough if I HADN'T gotten two admissions (one of whom was actually in serious condition, unbeknownst to me). I stayed at the hospital charting til almost 9am, AND got a lecture from a doctor. On my drive home I called Veronica and fell apart. She was like... generically supportive. She did say I could go back to having 4 patients for a while.

So, night 2. It was busy, but I only had 4 patients, so it was doable. I had time to take a break and eat dinner and read, which is just really vital still for me to have that recovery period in the middle of my shift. I was able to really look at what was going on with my patients and focus my tasks and apply them to the big picture. During this shift, I decided I also need to refocus this journal and bluntly point out all the things I'm learning and learning about. I'll do that at the bottom of these summaries this time I suppose.

Last night. It was a breeze. I had 4 patients who really just wanted to sleep. So I let them as much as I could. I followed up on their vitals and blood sugars and checked orders and made sure all my ducks were in a row. The one dark spot to my day was when Anna starts asking me about why I only have 4 patients and when I'm going to take on 5 again. GOD! I can just never catch a break from her, and she just seems to not have ANY clue as to what all the new grads are going through. I am trying as hard as I can. and I can only learn so fast. I am not lazy. I am not a baby just because I cry a lot. Hell I cried today when Allison was the one with the bad shift. I was not safe at 5 patients. and I will not put my license on the line to help staffing. and when I have an easy night, that doesn't make me a LAZY nurse. I am so frustrated with Anna. She questioned me about how long my orientation was, why I wasn't ready for 5 patients, gave me the same advice about like... looking up my patients when I had spare time (no shit sherlock). I don't know how old she is, but it feels like she must be older than I think because she is so far from relating to a new graduate. and I swear, if one more person tells me that "even nurses who have been nurses for 20 years have bad days" I'm going to punch them. I didn't call Veronica to get me put back down to 4 patients because I had one bad day and couldn't handle it. I have not had a good day since like... mid-october, when I had like 3 patients. Since then I have cried usually either to or from work and once at work for every shift. The fact that I would consider paying the hospital $2000 and risking not being able to find another job should make a statement about how miserable the conditions are. And telling me that it's going to take time? Um also obvious. I hate these cookie cutter, patronizing lecture/constructive criticism/ advice sessions I keep getting handed. I just want to scream. I had a good shift, and yet, I still want to cry. It is just so defeating. Anyway. My lists of accomplishments/learning experiences I am trying to be proud of:

for last night:

1. i attempted an IV (the vein blew, but i was in it at least), and when i went in the room i acted like i knew what i was doing haha. i am still so bad at needle sticks, so it will continue to be a big deal for me for a while.

2. i learned where pharmacy is

3. i called the doctor about the fact that mr anemia has fragmin ordered and got the stamp of approval to hold it because his platelets are so low (man it is taking me so long to like... put the pieces together)

for tuesday night:

1. i drew some labs all by myself, first try. walked in, said "ok mr. so and so, i need to draw some blood," and stuck him. i mean, he had REALLY easy veins, and lab draws are much easier than IVs, but i totally still get a gold star. if for nothing else, walking in by myself and not requiring a nurse to go with me.

2. i got to do peritoneal dialysis with my new favorite Keisha. She is only has a year of being a nurse under her belt and is turning out to be really helpful at explaining things when she has time. she is a little on the quieter side, so at first i wasn't sure she liked me. anyway, this dialysis involves hooking the patient up to an empty bag and a full bag, by way of a tube coming out of their belly. first you drain the old fluid from their abdomen, then you let the full bag of new fluid run in, weigh the old fluid to see how much they are retaining or excreting, and viola! Plus since the whole process took like 20 minutes, we got to watch tv in the patient's room. haha I didn't really feel like i accomplished anything i'd been nervous about, but i did learn about it and will be a little more familiar if i ever get one of those patients (we don't get them that often).

3. last learning experience was really just getting more comfortable putting dressings on wounds. one of my patients had an abcess like on her upper inner thigh.

for my awful night monday:

1. i successfully put down an NG tube for the first time

2. first PCA patient

3. got a little more comfortable dressing wounds

4. had to use one of those 1 piece colostomy bags and do the measuring and cutting of it

5. did two admissions (ok one was crappy and is still not done but whatever)

Yeah. so thats where I am now.